I was waiting on line at Victoria's Secret the other day (hey, those underwear sales are gold) when these two young girls hop on line behind me. They start talking and I could tell they weren't high schoolers yet but probably in middle school; their voices still had that innocent kid tone to it. At any rate, one of them had a lisp and talked like this: "So, like, you're not going to do that again, right? 'Cause, like, Mark isn't going to be there, so, like, what's the point? Oh! This body spray is, like, sooo good!" Like, omg! Like, what are you going to do?! Strangely, I didn't want to rip my ears out because I was amused. I wanted to laugh and make fun of them all at once. Which I did. In my head.

But before I could do any of that, I had to see what they looked like. I just had to. So I did the half turn move and pretended to look at some body lotion on one of the racks next to me and caught a glimpse of them. Dear lord, if kids these days look like that, then I am the plainest Jane out there. Fake tans, short shorts, make-up on full force, nails done, hair did, and just the way they stood.

Okay, so I've seen my fair share of fake tans this summer. I'm horrified when I see it on moms trying to blend in with their own kids, but on girls this age? Really? If you want to get skin cancer, at least do it naturally instead of baking yourself in your Easy-Bake Oven at home. Stop talking like that; it's obnoxious and annoying. Knock it off. Lisp girl, I can't help you there but stop with the pretentiousness. Just because you've got money and bling and your mamas have equally fake tans and can drive some white SUV to drop you off at the (gasp!) mall doesn't mean you can flaunt it and rule this side of town.

...judging? Who's judging? Umm, not me.



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