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 For the past 4 years, I've written to my futureself through FutureMe. It's always a pleasant surprise when the email arrives. I usually send one to myself a year later to see how much has or hasn't changed. I tend to write about how I'm feeling at that moment and ask myself questions I'll hopefully have answers to. So yesterday, I received my email I wrote a year ago. I couldn't help but smile as I read it; I sounded so... youthful and excited. I had that email open in a tab all day, rereading it every so often. It just made (and still makes) me smile, you know? While I still don't have some answers to those questions I asked myself, things sure have changed in a year.
—Monday, April 28, 2008 3 comments Future Me
 In the past year, I've gotten into scented candles. I never fully understood why people loved them so much until I experienced, quite possibly, the most amazing scented candle I have ever smelled. This past Christmas, on a whim, I bought a soy candle at the local holiday market. It was the description on the box that caught my eye: "May the stream of chi that flows through your home trickle through your mind." And then I smelled it and, well, I fell in love with the scent. I never did burn that candle though; it actually ended up being present for my candle-loving friend. Anyway, the candle is named "Feng shui-ology," and it's made by Aromatherapy Interventions. Let me tell you, it has an incredibly soothing scent. If you go to their product line, you'll see a whole bunch. I really want to smell them all. They're a bit expensive, but aren't they interesting? "Left brain," "Right brain," "Quarter life crisis"... it's quite clever. But until I can get a hold of another one, I'll be enjoying my current French Vanilla scented candle.
—Sunday, April 27, 2008 1 comment Scented candles
 Happy Earth Day! I'm kicking back in my Mokuluas and sipping from my Nalgene. Have I mentioned how beautiful it is outside? It's wonderful. Also, 50 Ways to Help the Planet by Wire & Twine.
—Tuesday, April 22, 2008 0 comments It's Earth Day
 - Up and Then Down (The lives of elevators) - The Art of the Title Sequence - The Rather Difficult Font Game - Ten Thousand Cents - catbird.muxtape.com - There Will Be Vader (amazing!) (Previously: Lists, part 10)
—Monday, April 21, 2008 0 comments Lists, part 11
 You know that feeling when you let down a friend? And you know that they're feeling angry and/or sad because of what you said or did. It's like... you got what you wanted, but you don't feel any triumph or joy because of their reaction. Most of the time, I guess for me, it's unintentional because sometimes things just work out a certain way. I can't help it if things are unsure, you know? But it happens, and you got to keep going.
—Wednesday, April 16, 2008 0 comments Disappointment
 Do you ever feel not-so-smart when someone articulates what you say better than what you had originally said? (Did that even make sense?) And then you're sitting there thinking, "No, that's not what I meant," but really, it is exactly what you meant, just better sounding. That and when you interpret what someone says differently in your head and then you just sound... not so bright when you respond. Anyway, my brain doesn't make sense sometimes. I feel like it complicates things more than it should: overthinks, overanalyzes, over-everything. Did any of this make sense? Ohh, bananas. I should put bananas in my cereal. Bananas. That sounds funny after you say that a few times. Bananas. I... what?
—Tuesday, April 15, 2008 3 comments Sometimes my brain doesn't make sense
 Yesterday, The Office returned and it was brilliant. Jan and Michael's relationship is hilariously terrifying, Jim and Pam are still wonderful, Andy and Angela are funny, and Dwight is just Dwight. The babysitter was the lady from Donnie Darko! You took me by the hand Made me a man That one night (one night) You made everything all right So wrong So right All night All right Oh yeaaah Then Jan starts dancing to The Hunted... OH, and my favorite was when Michael screamed out, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!" Triumphant! ...all is right with the world.
—Friday, April 11, 2008 2 comments The Office has returned!
 Tell me a story. Happy or sad, funny or serious, nostalgic or indifferent, fiction or nonfiction. And in turn, I will share one of mine.
—Thursday, April 10, 2008 2 comments Tell me a story
 It's funny how your initial perception of someone changes overtime as the relationship unfolds, friends and lovers alike. In the beginning it's a learning experience: learning about what he or she likes, how he or she reacts to certain things and so on. But as the relationship progresses, this perception becomes a little clouded as events make it cliché. It is what it is now, and you begin to expect things just like how he or she would expect things, too. Somewhere, somehow, you begin to realize this and you shake yourself out of it. How did it get like this? How did I get like this? Sometimes I let things go too easily. I speak not of the conscious kind, but rather of the subconscious, the unaware. When something is good, I let it be good. I let it run its course, leaving it on autopilot because why disrupt something when it's perfectly fine? I've been a weird funk these past few weeks, I'm not sure why. I keep waking up at night and laying there, listening to the city sounds as I try to fall asleep again. I beg my body to shut down for just a little while longer before daylight breaks. Maybe it's because I've been so busy that my mind won't stop spinning, or maybe hurting my shoulder muscle is what really has been keeping me from sleeping. But whatever it was, it's gone now. Last night I woke up in a cold sweat and found myself breathing heavily, trying to gulp in as much air as possible, as if it were my last. I sat up and rested my head against the cool wall, wincing as I shifted my shoulder. The gulping stopped as I started to take slower breaths, calming down. Then I felt this coldness sweep through my body, as if it were evaporating, and just like that, it was gone. I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this, but I'd like to think whatever (or whoever) was with me these past few weeks has left. I started to drift off leaning against the wall and eventually laid back down to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep. So, what does any of that have to do with what I was talking about in the beginning? Well, when I woke up this morning, the fog that had been surrounding me dissipated. And all the sudden, a jumble of realizations occurred to me. I feel like I've been playing a role in a movie; I wasn't myself but someone else. And I didn't like that role, I didn't like that character, I didn't like not being me. Of course, the jigg was up and it completely smacked me in the face. I was unaware of how I've let some of my relationships with people slide, particularly one that was very important to me. I was there, but not really. I was hearing, not listening. It was becoming old; I was becoming old. My lack of interest has probably been obvious with my mind everywhere. So I sat myself down tonight and wrote. The relationship is not cliché. I do not know this person. I do not know what to expect. I do not know anything anymore. It is, and will be, a continuous learning experience because I know that I have so much more to learn. And when I can be comfortable again, I will share again. I am reborn.
—Saturday, April 5, 2008 Born again
 Do you ever wonder if gyms pay people to run on the treadmills by the windows just to show that they actually have business every hour of the day? That man could have an entire conversation by himself. It's like the beautiful Australian girl sitting with him doesn't exist. Is that... is that a sex therapist giving advice to a couple in a coffee shop? ...oh god. I can't stop listening! Whoa, this man hates his job. He's venting to the girl behind the counter as he waits for his food. She looks overwhelmed. People can be so pleasantly surprising sometimes. The kindness and passion that exudes from people you first meet can be so inspiring. It makes me love this world a little more.
—Thursday, April 3, 2008 1 comment Snippets from my mind
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