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 "I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so..." -- Pam Beesly, The Office That... is me. The other night I was thinking of people who don't really like me or at least don't think well of me, and I came up with three that I was aware of (aka, from my perspective, in my head). I'm sure there are probably more-- hey, not everyone can be Tom Hanks. I mean, it's not like I'm horrible and annoying (or am I?) but sometimes my honesty gets me in trouble more than I'd like and yeah, when I was younger I probably inadvertently caused some pain. You know that 30 Rock episode where Liz goes to her high school reunion? And she thought she was the girl that everyone made fun of, except it was the opposite-- she was the mean girl in high school. ("See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, Aaron Samuels, for example, he broke up with Regina and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Regina, Cady? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch!" Oh man, that movie is solid gold.) Geez, now I feel like Liz Lemon. Maybe I WAS horrible in high school and my memories are now somewhat altered because that's what kind of happens as time passes! (I've always had fond memories of high school.) Anyway, we all grow up and we all change. Whoever we were in the past, is the past. Who we are presently, is who we are. At the core of it, there's a part of you that doesn't change, and I think that's what makes us all unique. I've spent my whole life learning and trying to do the "right" thing, to be nice, to be kind, to be giving, to have humility, to... be a good person. I'd like to think that I was (and still am) that good person, and I'm trying to be a better person as I keep on growing. You know, the whole learning from your mistakes, acknowledging your faults and, heck, I was told two weeks ago that I am very self-aware. (It was refreshing to hear that.) I guess I was just thinking that if I emailed each of the three people, I would feel better. That if I apologized for any pain caused by my honesty and said I'm really not that kind of person from the short time you knew me, I would have a burden lifted from my shoulders. Except... I think about this now, and I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing. It would sort of be like opening Pandora's Box. Maybe what's left in the past should stay there, and if we meet again face-to-face, they'll get to know the present-me. On a more personal note, I know I can't change everything, just like I can't save everyone. Because not everyone wants or needs to saved. But, anyway, maybe I should let bygones be bygones and live with the idea that not everyone... likes me. And that's okay. It's something I'm not entirely comfortable with, like Pam, but it is what it is. No TrackBacksTrackBack URL: http://www.toastier.org/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/360 |
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Hi, my name is Amy. Be well, and say hello!
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I don't know of anyone that hates me. There was this one guy in high school, but I won him over. I felt the need to win him over, even though I didn't like him. I guess that means I'm a lot like Pam too.
I don't think that not having people hate you is all about whether you're a good person or not. I think one of the reasons no one hates me is because I keep to myself so much and don't really affect them in a way that could be good or bad.
Plus, I really think that there will always be people who don't like you no matter how great you are. Honestly, I can think of several people who I can't really say anything bad about, but they still annoy the crap out of me and I don't like being around them.
I did not expect to leave such a giant comment.
A few points:
1. Objectively, you were no Liz Lemon in high school. Let's refer to the amazingness that is the Mean Girls movie for an actual definition of horrible.
2. I recognize your efforts to be a good person, which I think the main thing. I also think that you are a good person objectively.
3. Being a 'good' person should not be measured by whether you are liked. I would choose honesty over whatever it is you'd have to do to be likable pretty much any day.
4. It is a tradeoff, though. I'm ok with having fewer friends and alienating some people as a result. You make your decisions on what you can live with and other people make theirs, and it might just be incompatible and there's nothing you can do to change it without compromising your own values. So that's that.
5. Not that I'm always perfectly happy about it, but once I come to the point where I decide that I don't regret my actions, I can move on about it.
6. If anything, I think you are on the too self-aware/conscious side.
I think sometimes being hated simply comes down to circumstance. In high school I went on a single date with a guy, and his ex & her best friend hated me forever because of it. I never even met the ex in person ever! When I met the best friend once through other mutual friends, she was really rude to me the whole time which is how I realised that this situation even existed! The guy in question went on to seriously date one of my friends, whom the ex seemed to warm to immediately. It was just entirely strange, and though it did bother me a little, I didn't really take it to heart.
Like you, I think that most people would like me if they got to know me properly. I tend to think of myself as selfless & caring, and do my best to make sure that other people think the same of me. The issue is that I keep myself closed off a lot to make sure that people don't hate me (because they don't know me). Of course, on the flip side it means that not many people love me either.