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 Where I grew up, the night before Halloween was mischief night. Kids went out and, well, caused mischief. I did it when I was younger, with my brothers and his friends. Guys sure know how to be wicked and sneaky. Man, playing manhunt and laser tag way back in the day was killer with guys. I learned so quickly to blend in with the shadows and think on a whole different level. Just imagine a little girl frantically and cautiously running around in the dark among figures twice her size... Anyway, on mischief night, there was some egging, some water ballooning, some silly stringing, but mostly toilet papering. The key was to be quick and quiet about it. TP'd that house? Good, go, next! Got that mailbox? Got that tree? Move, move, move! There was something so incredibly satisfying about doing all of this. We were causing trouble without getting caught! Everyone was sound asleep except for the light footfalls of us kids. For one night, we ruled the streets, the night, the world. For one night, the adults weren't in charge. For one night, we were invincible. No one could stop us. And I loved it.
—Friday, October 30, 2009 1 comment Mischief night
 - Polaroid Lives! - Arial & Helvetica - Obama's Robot Smile - 360 view of the universe - It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers. - The Burger Lab: The Fake Shack (Is it close? I need to try this!) (Previously: Lists, part 28)
—Wednesday, October 28, 2009 1 comment Lists, part 29
 Seeing someone sad is one of the few things that really get me. Maybe I care too much about people, but I feel it. Right here, in my heart. When I was a kid, I wished I were somehow broken. That if something were wrong with me, I'd have some sympathy or at least be seen as a fighter, a survivor. You know, the one that overcame extreme circumstances to become that success story. It sounds like I wanted attention, but I honestly didn't. I just didn't want that "perfect" life where everything was great and nothing was wrong. I wanted a broken family, I wanted to suffer something tragic, I wanted to feel some kind of god awful pain, I wanted something wrong with me-- I wanted to be able to relate to everyone who was broken. But I couldn't, because everything was fine. Of course now that I'm older, thinking back to all of that makes me say, "What was wrong with me?!" I am so grateful and so fortunate to have had a good life so far. I wouldn't change it for the world. It has, in a way, shaped me in becoming (and being) as caring as I am. I think. And I realize now that I don't have to be broken in order to relate. I may not know what it feels like to lose someone close to me or deal with an estranged family member. I don't know what any of that feels like. But I do know that, what's important is presence. To be there for someone, regardless of if you can or cannot relate. To be able to lend an ear, share a shoulder, share a laugh, hold someone, soothe someone... being there is enough. Even if it's as simple as asking, "You okay?"
—Monday, October 26, 2009 0 comments Unbroken
 [Saturday night texting] "by the way, what r u goin to b on holloween [sic]?" "The most original costume of all: myself. And you?" "i was thinkin of goin goth-- i wanna see what i look like in guyliner!" Me, for the next 10 minutes: clutching my sides, hysterically laughing. People crack me up. I just... it's not something you would've expected that person to say. At all. (Yes, yes, I'm one of those people who texts proper grammar.)
—Saturday, October 24, 2009 2 comments On guyliner
 What happens when I receive a text message in the middle of the night: I sleepily reach over and fumble for my phone, read the message in a semiconscious state, put my phone back while knocking over a few things, and then go back to sleep. Sometimes I'll respond if my brain registers what I'm reading, but I rarely do because I'm way too sleepy to function. When I wake the next morning, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Did that text message really happen or was that just a dream?" I almost always think it's a dream text but then I look at my phone and it's... real. On a few occasions, some of the texts were reminders and I didn't realize that those were REAL reminders until I was out the door (face palm). When dreams and reality blur together... So, I got a text message in the middle of the night last night, and that's what happened. Except... I didn't sleep much after that. I dreamt about getting text messages from random people about the most random things (but it all made sense because everything in dreams make sense). In turn, I woke up every hour checking my phone. After I'd check my phone, I would lie back down and go, "Why did I do that...?" Eventually I fell asleep for what seemed like 10 minutes before my alarm went off. When I got up this morning, I glanced suspiciously at my phone, wondering if I actually got all those texts... turns out, it was the just the one. Whew, I'm not going crazy. ...I can't tell if my dreaming about texting is better or worse than my dreaming in hex codes. (In the hex codes defense, that was a very pretty dream.)
—Thursday, October 22, 2009 2 comments Dreaming about text messages
 This entry is more for me than anyone else (and my oldest friends who keep up with me here--you know who you are!). Two of my nearest and dearest friends got engaged yesterday, and I am jazzed. High school sweethearts! When she called me up, I think I let out some kind of high-pitched nonhuman-like squeal. And then I couldn't stop going, "Awww..." for the rest of the night. Anyway, I woke up not too long ago, and I was all, "Another day, working, working, working." Then I remembered and I can't stop smiling. They're engaged! I'm so excited and happy for them! Eeeee.
—Tuesday, October 20, 2009 6 comments They're engaged!
 Question: McDonald's or Burger King fries? (I prefer McDonald's. I know, I know, Burger King fries are crispier, but lord knows, McDonald's fries are delicious.)
—Sunday, October 18, 2009 8 comments On fries
 My life rarely plays out the way I want it to. The one I have in my head--it's some weird alternate reality where I'm actually awesome. So when this alternate reality becomes the reality, I kind of freak out. I was about to say hello when he said, "I ran out of seats... I can drop you off at the next stop?" I thought for a second and replied, "It's okay, I'll stand." I couldn't read his face but he just nodded. I'm kind of short, so hanging onto the top side railing isn't ideal. Instead, I stayed in the front of the aisle, holding onto the lower sidebar, right beside/behind him. Yes, I spent the entire ride right by him. You're not allowed to talk to the driver while it's in motion, so I didn't (partly fearing my verbal diarrhea) and took my book out and read the entire way. It was comfortably awkward and really cute watching him operate the bus. I snuck looks at him from time to time because, well, you know. And he looked up from time to time (via the mirror), and I think there was once he looked a little longer than usual, but I couldn't tell if he was just looking towards the back of the bus. I remained "engrossed" in my book. Way to play it cool, Amy. A little ways into the ride, he reached over to his side to grab something. I couldn't tell what it was but he sort of fumbled with it while steering and next thing I know, he's offering me a piece of gum! I saw that he had successfully extracted two sticks of gum from the package, one for him and one for me. He didn't say anything except hold out one piece, and I found that really funny. I smiled and went, "Oh, thank you!" In my head, I was going, "AWWW, HOW ARE YOU SO CUTE AND SO NICE." I took it and saw him smile. Even though I already had a piece of gum in my mouth, I unwrapped it and popped it in. I wasn't sure what flavor to expect since it was a pale beige color. It turned out to be fruity flavored, and for some reason that warmed my heart. (No, it didn't clash with my gum.) I think he was waiting for me to give him my gum wrapper, but I didn't. I visibly put it in my pocket and saw him looking, so he knew. I don't know about you, but I keep my gum wrappers so I can spit out my gum into the wrapper before throwing it out. But truthfully, on a much less practical level, the reason I kept it was because I wanted to... keep it. A little memento from this one moment, from this one boy, that I like. The next morning, I gave him a note: "What flavor gum did you give me yesterday? It was tasty. (PS. You're really nice :-)" When I got off, he returned the note to me: "Mango Smoothie. You're really nice too, and I'd love to have coffee with you sometime." That's not all though. He included his phone number and his name. You guys, I know his name now. And I have his number. And you should have seen my face when I read his note. It was like... it's like the night they light the tree at Rockefeller Center. It was like that. I had a smile on my face the entire subway ride to work, half laughing in disbelief. People were looking at me like, "What's she smiling about?" In turn, I saw a few people start smiling, as if they were in on it, too. I don't know the proper etiquette for these types of things, but after I got off the subway, I texted him. I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes things do happen the way you want, and when they do... I just know that, despite this terribly dreary day, I am happy. (Previously: This boy)
—Thursday, October 15, 2009 14 comments This boy, parts 2 & 3
 This is one of the things I kind of don't want to know but kind of do? I sometimes wonder who reads me, because I know not everyone comments (I know I don't comment on everyone's entries either, but I do keep up with you all!). So taking a cue from Rachel, here is my very first feedback form. It's not too long, just some really general questions. In another entry, I'll report back with the results (maybe you're curious, too?). I hope to hear from you!
—Monday, October 12, 2009 Because I'm curious...
 (I will be gushing about the latest Office episode, aka Jim & Pam's wedding.) Oh my gah, I love Jim and Pam! I know many people sort of abandoned them because they had gotten to be too perfect, but I can't help it. I love them. They're so adorable and lovely and wonderful. One thing that I like about this show is that it mirrors our reality. Those characters are living in the same world we live in, so whatever's trendy or buzzworthy on YouTube, etc., they see and hear, too. I think that's kind of cool. Soo, there may have been some scattered showers on my face throughout the episode... during Jim's toast, the scene between Jim and Pam right before (aww, Jim was so good to her!), and the look on Michael's face right after. He looked so happy and proud and everything. That look pretty much summarized how I felt, or maybe how everyone watching felt. Also, the looks Jim and Pam exchanged throughout the ceremony? SO MUCH LOVE. "And Plan A was... marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her." You guys, Jim and Pam are married!! (By the way, the opener totally reminded me of this.)
—Saturday, October 10, 2009 1 comment The Office, "Niagara"
 I finally saw Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band live last night and my life has rocked so much harder. I love Bruce Springsteen, and this love isn't just any kind of love, it's this unbelievable adoration and incredible pride for everything he stands for. I really think everything in life somehow relates back to a Springsteen song. Understand that I grew up in Jersey and he was one of the bigger sounds I grew up listening to. 'Cause, I guess, it's a Jersey thing. (Sidenote: if you haven't wondered or guessed, the titles of my subpages, including the main one, are lyrics from Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out.) This is what they played, and for serious, I couldn't have asked for a better set list. They played Born to Run in its entirety, and I was beyond. (By the way, small digression, but this particular version of "Thunder Road" is so boss.) He ended with "Twist & Shout," which was so fun. This man (THIS MAN) is 60 years old, and holy moly, he is still running and jumping around, crowd surfing, and pretty much playing 4 hour concerts straight. Now that is what I call longevity. And, I don't know if anyone else notices, but he is really goofy and funny. He has that sense of humor, and I think he's hilarious. My point: he's made of awesome. I loved the crowd and atmosphere; everyone was all "Bruuuuuuuce!" Besides the crowd surfing and preaching (when Bruce preaches, it's amazing), one my favorite moments of the night was during Waitin' on a Sunny Day. He went out to the crowd and held his microphone up to this little 4 or 5 year old boy, who was in his dad's arms, and the little boy sang the chorus! This little boy knew the lyrics to "Waitin' on a Sunny Day"! And the crowd went absolutely wild. My mouth dropped open. I was so impressed and happy and proud and everything all at once, you have no idea. Because the dad, high five to him, is raising his little boy right.
—Friday, October 9, 2009 0 comments Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band (live)
 So, I actually don't live in the city anymore even though it says so on my about page. (I'm ducking, just in case you feel lied to. Wait, let me explain!) I left last year and moved to more affordable pastures, you know, a small place I call Jersey (no stranger, I grew up there). I do spend most of my day in the city because I work and do everything there, which is why I still consider New York where I am. All my stories revolve around what happens to me there, and it's just... my life. I've spent years here/there. New York is my life, and I love it so. I just needed to preface this entry with that so I can tell you about (drum roll) this boy. This boy. Geez, what am I, 12? (Yes, yes I am. Prepare to enter my brain.) I'm a full-fledged commuter now; I take the bus into the city every morning (and home every night). For a while, the bus drivers changed. None stayed for too long, but starting from earlier this year, we started getting this one driver every morning. Now, I've known a few drivers in passing and they have sort of known me because I try to catch the same buses every day and night. Most have been older gentlemen (not many ladies, I've observed), and boy, have I been given advice on life, heard hilarious stories, and gotten called "kiddo" from time to time. So this one driver we started getting in the mornings, he's, uh, pretty young looking (I'd say late 20's?). And he's, uh, really cute. And, uh, I started crushing on him a little. For whatever reason, these are 3 superficial things I'm incredibly attracted to: 1) men in glasses, 2) men who are scruffy or are able to be scruffy, and 3) a deep rumble-ish voice like Simon Pegg. So a combination of those three together? Oh man. You guys. This boy not only wears glasses and is scruffy from time-to-time, his voice is smooth like butter. I swear, I could have him read me the telephone book all day and I'd just have a permanent smile plastered on my face. I say my hellos when I get on, and my thank yous or have a good weekends when I get off. This how it's been since day one, when he didn't speak very much. (I say this to any driver because, you know, it's polite and I really am thanking them for getting me into the city in one piece.) After a couple of months, I'm pretty sure he started recognizing me. We started saying "Have a good weekend" at the same time whenever I got off, and he started asking "How you doing?" in the mornings, though I can never really answer because people are always rushing behind me to get on the bus, and I don't want to hold up the line. In my head, I started painting a picture. He's close with his family, he has a beer with his buddies on weekends, maybe volunteers, and has a lovely girlfriend (or maybe he's even married or engaged). Wait, what? This is what I do, I always think that guys are taken. I have zero hope for myself, true story. I'm pretty average looking, I'm not really tall, I barely wear make-up, no nail polish (my tomboy-ish qualities I've retained from my childhood), I don't keep up fashion trends, I wear and buy what I like (mostly stripey things and cardigans)... I am who I am. And I'm completely comfortable with that. So there was one day a few weeks ago when he wasn't driving, and I felt sad. No one else drives like him! He really eases to a stop and makes the ride really smooth (like his voice). These past two days, Monday and Tuesday, I've been going into work early and taking an earlier bus. "It's not the same," I thought sadly as that driver lurched the bus forwarded and halted suddenly. So naturally, I was looking forward to my normal bus and my lovely driver today. When I got on, he said to me, "Where you been?" I was really caught off guard and didn't know what say, so I started to laugh. I just... it was so cute! I was laughing and smiling to myself the entire ride because he actually thought about me! Like, "Where's that girl I pick up here every morning? Where'd she go?" I won't go as far to say that he maybe actually missed seeing me those two mornings even though I missed seeing him those two mornings. It's so adorable; I've been smiley all day. And the funny thing is that we don't even know each other. I don't know his name, he doesn't know mine. We don't know anything except that we see each other every morning and say little things to each other. And then I had to answer his question when I got off. I just had to. Right? Right. I explained I had been going into work early the last two days blah blah blah and then hello verbal diarrhea fail fail fail. People were waiting for me to get off the bus so they could get off and I was rushed and blah blah epic fail. I shouldn't have said anything AT ALL and should've stayed with "thank you" and "have a good day." FAIL. My name is Amy, and I am a loser. I bet he was all, "Okay, I thought this girl was cool but NOPE. LOSER." What up, awkwardness, you are my life. Putting that aside, I keep replaying the "Where you been?" in my head because it was just so cute. And this little crush is turning into liking, and uh, I'm kind of in like with my bus driver.
—Wednesday, October 7, 2009 6 comments This boy
 It was well into the night when I hopped on the R train. Few were on board, and we all had that I'm-ready-to-go-home-and-crash look on our faces. I was exhausted from a long day. The doors weren't closing and that was when the conductor's voice came on: "Once again, there is a passenger at the rear of train who refuses to let go of the doors. We are now running 5 minutes late. (brief pause) Okay, I guess you're in control of the train--" Before he could finish, the doors dinged and closed. Everyone in my car looked at each other and laughed as the train moved forward.
—Saturday, October 3, 2009 0 comments Sassy conductors
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