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Growing up, I was told to be two things: strong and independent. A few years ago, I almost planned my life around someone. It wasn't until after the fact I told myself that isn't me and to never do that again. And I began to think, well, never is a strong word. If I were older and circumstances were different (say, if I were engaged or married), would my choice be different? Would I base my life around another person? And then I began think, is there a point when you "stop" pursuing your goals to settle? Or do you somehow keep pursuing them with another person in your life (even if, geographically, it's not where you want to be)?

My entire life, the closest people I've known have always (physically) moved away from me. From childhood to middle school to high school to college. I don't know if it's me or if it's just the way of things. Probably the latter, but sometimes I think the universe is trying to tell me something. But it has made me emotionally closed off on that front. Saying goodbye is easy, and I don't honestly miss very many people. I'm numb. And I guess these experiences have tainted my views on things (and probably messed with me because I rarely let people know me). It's just... it's so interesting how when you're younger, these questions are easy to answer. But once you grow older, they become very difficult what with the entanglements of relationships (friends, family or significant others). You choose one path, everyone will tell you you're grown up. You choose the other, everyone will tell you to grow up and stop being a child.

At this point in my life, I'm more prone to leave and do what I want to do. And if that's the one selfish thing I do in life, then okay.



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