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 I was doing a cool down walk after running several of miles (I have somehow lodged in my head that I will run an ultramarathon; I swear I'm not crazy... maybe a little) when I found myself alone on a street. Just as I was realizing this, an unmarked white van slowly turned onto the street and slowed to a stop. My first thought was, "Shhhhhit." Now, I'm usually okay with walking alone on empty streets, day or night. I have my cell phone on me and I feel pretty good. But when I'm out running, I got nothing. Maybe the ominous dark clouds rolling in played a part or the fact that TV and movies have forever etched into my brain unmarked white vans equal not a good end. The point is, I felt really, really unsettled. I was already halfway down the street, so I was equal distance from a way out. The van began to creep along the street, inevitably towards me. In this moment, my life sort of flashed before my eyes. I thought about everything and about the things I still wanted and needed to do. The life I lead is small, but it's no less important than the next. I glanced up briefly and found the windows of the van tinted. "Great," I thought, "I can't even make out who's in there." My mind continued to churn out happy memories, sad memories and memories I still wanted to make. Then the questions came: Would anyone miss me? What would life be like without me? Will everyone be okay? Will they find me? It was all so morbid. The van was closing in now as I continued to walk in its direction. I could have simply turned around and ran the other way, but I didn't. (I actually don't know why I didn't just turn around.) My morbid thoughts were immediately replaced with fight or flight. I quickly calculated the distance I had to sprint, figured at least two people were ready to hop out and how fast the driver could maneuver the van. My mind was in overdrive. "Kick everyone in the crotch, throw the best uppercuts my brother has taught me, chest and neck areas..." My big brother, he'd be proud of me. My heart was pounding in my ears. The van and I were parallel to each other now, but I kept looking ahead pretending to be unaware. I kept walking, kept breathing, kept living. The van, after pausing for a few moments, continued on. I let out a huge sigh of relief. I listened, making sure it didn't suddenly turn around. The sound of the engine grew more distant and then, as I rounded the corner, I full-on sprinted. I kept going until I found people, anyone. Never have I been more glad to see people. I eased to a light jog and eventually started to walk again. I guess it was all a little silly, but my mind went into high alert the moment that van turned onto the street. Sometimes you just have a feeling, and gut feelings are usually the strongest and truest. |
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Hi, my name is Amy. Be well, and say hello!
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My life has flashed before my eyes before, during a car accident. I saw the blinding white light and immediately thought of nothing and then everything. My family and friends mostly. It's so strange, because even though I was scared, I was also really calm. Until after I found out I was okay, of course. Then I started shaking like crazy. Anyway, I'm glad you're alive?
Whenever I see a white, unmarked van I think of The X-Files, immediately.