toastier.org tag:www.toastier.org,2011-01-18://1 2011-09-30T12:34:26Z "One can never have enough socks." Movable Type 5.04 The end tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.623 2011-09-30T12:31:04Z 2011-09-30T12:34:26Z There comes a time when some things should end, and this is one of those times. If this seems sudden, it isn't. I've had this thought out for quite some time now. It's nothing personal, nothing professional, nothing at... Amy

There comes a time when some things should end, and this is one of those times. If this seems sudden, it isn't. I've had this thought out for quite some time now.

It's nothing personal, nothing professional, nothing at all. Simply, a parting of ways.

I've had a wonderful run here at toastier.org, and I'm glad to have written for you (and for me). I know I never wrote specifics, but I hope that I had made some kind of connection with you, the reader. I'll miss my ritual of taking photos, uploading, and then, most of all, writing.

I still don't know what I want to do in life exactly, but I'm on my way there. Stepping stones. The thing with life is that, everything and anything can change in an instant. The world is an imperfect place. So be willing be adapt your best laid plans, take things in stride, and face the many challenges that will come. In the coming years, I may completely deviate from what I've set out to do. Who knows? But at the very least, I'm content with continuing in this current direction.

I'll be around, reading what you guys write. I truly enjoy reading your entries, even though I don't comment often. The one place that still has me is at an ocean apart, so please do head on over there since we'll soon be relaunching (stick with Jasmin, and you'll know when we officially relaunch).

Otherwise, don't look for me. I may pleasantly surprise you one day or, as I would hope, that I'll drift away like a nice dream you once had.

Thank you for reading.

Cheers, everyone.]]> Where I am tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.622 2011-09-26T02:32:36Z 2011-09-27T18:16:36Z This past Saturday night, I was laying on my couch with a textbook and pencil in hand, brow furrowed. The television was on, but with the volume very low, just so I could have some background noise. Silence can... Amy

This past Saturday night, I was laying on my couch with a textbook and pencil in hand, brow furrowed. The television was on, but with the volume very low, just so I could have some background noise. Silence can be deafening.

These are my nights, if I'm not out running on artificial turf under those blazing lights. It's the closest I'll ever to get to playing underneath those beautiful Friday night lights.

I'm a student again—a graduate student to be exact. After three years of working at a job that was just a job, I figured out the direction I wanted to head in, and here I am. Brow furrowed, pencil in hand.

It's very strange to be back in an academic environment again. It's like hopping on a bike after long a time. You still remember how to ride, but you're a little shaky at the beginning. And then soon enough, you're cruising along. The difference between now and college is that, I have more perspective on life. A bit more wisdom, I suppose. That, and I'm actually enjoying what I'm studying. At least, I think so. It's more focused on my interests, less fluff to get through. I've had some doubt along the way, of course. We always do once we make a decision. We think about it afterwards and wonder if it was the right one. The truth is, there isn't a right one.

I taped this phrase to my laptop: "Live in the flow." It's a small reminder everyday to keep living, to keep going.

The beginnings of a movie played on the television and I glanced over. It was the Nanny Diaries. Hmm. I closed my textbook and sat up. Lately, movies I've seen in the past keep popping up. Movies that my high school self thought were deep and indie and oh so cool. You know, thinking I was way ahead my age and knew everything (riiiight). I thought I understood them then, but I really didn't. I do now. Lost in Translation was one I re-watched recently, and I could relate to it so much more. I understand the feelings she felt. Garden State was another one, but in a few years, I think I'll truly understand when home isn't home anymore.

So, the Nanny Diaries. I read that book back in high school, thought it was fascinating and incredibly dysfunctional. I never thought in a million years that I would end up working for someone similar years later. So I sat and watched it, munching on granola with yogurt. Every now and then I paused mid-chew and said out loud, "Oh my god..." The dysfunctional lives of the rich. I know what you're talking about. And, you know, the whole I-just-graduated-from-college-no-idea-what-I'm-doing thing. I know what you're talking about there, too.

It's true: sometimes you need to live in a different world in order to understand your own. I always thought I was, well, weird (I am). I don't like to drink, I don't go out to bars or clubs... I'm a homebody who likes sports and the outdoors. I generally think that's what most people do though, the whole going out thing, and that I'm in the minority. But after quitting my job, I realized just how normal I am. And god, how much do I talk about my former job? It occupied a trying time in my life, so I talk about it a lot. Deepest apologies (and greatest appreciation) to anyone who had (and has) to suffer through me complaining about yet another absurdity. I'll stop soon.

The other night, I walked out at the same time as my neighbor in my apartment building. She was with her friends, dressed to go out. They were all tall, almost model-like. I didn't think people like that actually existed in real life. She often has people over; I hear the music and laughter through the walls. I'm often cooking dinner and settling in for a night of studying at those times. Smartphones out, they made their way down the hall with me behind them, bespectacled, in running shorts and a t-shirt, flip-flops, and books in hand. None of them had acknowledged me at that point, not that I cared. I was a spectator. The elevator came and we all got in. They talked above me (literally, because they were all tall) about where to go and who was waiting for who. I stepped off on a different floor before the main one. As I made my way to my friend's apartment to study, I thought about what I had just seen. I'm in no place to judge, but I know for sure that I'm incredibly different from them. And that's okay, because I know who I am and how I am. I knocked on my friend's door and wouldn't you know it, my friend had the same tired look and was wearing flip-flops, too.]]> Balanced tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.621 2011-09-23T21:06:37Z 2011-09-23T21:55:43Z My new favorite piece of advice: "Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."... Amy

My new favorite piece of advice: "Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."]]> Funny friends tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.620 2011-09-15T00:51:07Z 2011-09-15T01:25:08Z It's funny how after living a quarter of a century, I finally know the kind of people I like to be friends with. It has honestly taken me just that long to figure it out. Moving to a new... Amy

It's funny how after living a quarter of a century, I finally know the kind of people I like to be friends with. It has honestly taken me just that long to figure it out. Moving to a new city means finding new people to hang out with and to keep up with. As I have more conversations with people, I realize how much I base things off of humor. It's always humor where I find common ground, and when someone gets it, everything's good. And I'm finding that there are a lot people who have my sense of humor... and a few who just don't. And that's alright, I just have to, you know, backtrack and smooth things out.

Some advice that was given to me recently was to 1) talk to people wherever you go, and 2) surround yourself with people smarter than you. I'm finding that in doing both, I'm learning far more about myself and the people I meet. Besides, I get to laugh a lot and get laughs because apparently I'm pretty funny (who knew?).]]> 10 years tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.619 2011-09-11T21:25:18Z 2011-09-11T21:25:44Z Amy ]]> On coffee shop etiquette tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.616 2011-09-07T00:04:40Z 2011-09-07T00:06:58Z If you like to do work in coffee shops, what's the etiquette? Do you have to buy something, or can you just scoot in and sit?... Amy

If you like to do work in coffee shops, what's the etiquette? Do you have to buy something, or can you just scoot in and sit?]]> Running to caffeine tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.615 2011-09-04T00:30:52Z 2011-09-04T00:34:00Z Running here is different than running in New York, or even where I grew up. During my many walks, I observed where people ran while trying to keep my disbelief in check as I wondered how anyone could run... Amy

Running here is different than running in New York, or even where I grew up. During my many walks, I observed where people ran while trying to keep my disbelief in check as I wondered how anyone could run in this heat and humidity. And so, after telling myself I wouldn't pass out from the heat, I went for my first run in this new city. Unlike New York, where you take in the stares as if, "Seriously? You're taking up my walking space", people here tend to run on the streetcar tracks. Which is absolutely perfect. You're not bothering anyone, and the paths are ready made. All you need to do is run against the streetcar traffic, watch for approaching streetcars, hop to the other side when necessary (then hop back), and watch & wait for crossing car traffic. It's like a game of Frogger. While it all may seem like a lot to keep in mind, you're pretty much running along for some time before you have to hop or stop.

Which brings me to admitting my (small) caffeine problem. I was on a serious coffee kick for a while, but since coming here, I've been slowly stepping off the coffee and migrating to tea. Which, I have to admit, has been strange (the coffee kick). I've mentioned before that I prefer tea to coffee, but stressful and tiring times call for fuel. I've only recently decided to cut back on sugar as well, so my mornings start with English Breakfast tea and a little milk. It's helpful that there aren't Starbucks or coffee shops on every street corner here, but somehow, I've sought them out. How does this tie into running? Well, I've been slowly rebuilding my endurance since I haven't been running in a while. And what better way to have a destination in mind? I've been running to the local (and very charming) coffee shop for a morning pick-me-up, and then running back. It was a small iced strawberry-kiwi tea the other morning.

Here's to hoping I slowly ease myself off of caffeine (but keep running).

(Above was a break during a walk along Magazine. It's an iced grande 2-pump black tea lemonade, or BTL.)]]> On mail (here) tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.614 2011-08-30T21:29:12Z 2011-08-30T21:43:38Z I've never lived in a place where mail doesn't come at a set time everyday... until now. I'm not kidding: I have no idea when to check my mailbox here. I've even asked my landlord, and he was like,... Amy

I've never lived in a place where mail doesn't come at a set time everyday... until now. I'm not kidding: I have no idea when to check my mailbox here. I've even asked my landlord, and he was like, "Sometimes it comes in the morning, sometimes it comes at night, you know... whenever it comes, it comes." Well, then. Here's to continuing towards adopting a more laid-back attitude towards... everything.]]> The great cup storage debate tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.612 2011-08-26T15:17:26Z 2011-08-26T15:22:04Z Which way do you store cups: upside down or right side up?... Amy

Which way do you store cups: upside down or right side up?]]> Lately tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.609 2011-08-22T21:03:35Z 2011-08-22T21:30:16Z Some photos of my recent wanderings. The houses here are so colorful and quirky, and absolutely charming. I've been called "ma'am" more times than I can count, been asked directions by tourists (I guess I look like I know... Amy



















Some photos of my recent wanderings. The houses here are so colorful and quirky, and absolutely charming. I've been called "ma'am" more times than I can count, been asked directions by tourists (I guess I look like I know where I'm going), mastered riding the streetcar, and struck up conversations with strangers as I walked along (Me: "Is that a Green Lantern ring??" Man: "Yes. Yes it is. The movie was terrible.") This city, what a wonder it is.

I spent my afternoon sitting at a local coffee shop, reading a book and sipping on tea. It's still very quiet around here, as most people savor the last days of summer. What will the Fall bring?]]> Happy birthday, me tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.608 2011-08-20T13:45:14Z 2011-08-20T13:45:44Z Well, here I am, finally a quarter of a century old. Where did time go? I spent my last day of being 24 sitting in a darkened theatre watching a film I've been wanting to see for a long... Amy

Well, here I am, finally a quarter of a century old. Where did time go?

I spent my last day of being 24 sitting in a darkened theatre watching a film I've been wanting to see for a long time now (and consequently, sobbing all over my bag of popcorn) and, well, relishing the day. I've been relishing my days recently, just enjoying everything. Anyway, I unloaded a few burdens, ran errands, and thought about things until I fell asleep.

I party hard.

And today? Well, I'm sitting here with a cup of tea this morning with my legs folded underneath me. The sun is peeking through the blinds, and I catch a glimpse of the still unfamiliar skyline from my window. The day is already starting to warm up, I can feel it. Today is just like any other day, no different than yesterday, no different than tomorrow. I wake up, I start my day, I live. You know, living everyday with hopes and dreams and all that. Ever the disaster, ever the hopeful.

Life is just beginning.

(Previously: 2010)]]> Conversations with the hairdresser tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.606 2011-08-17T02:15:08Z 2011-08-17T13:30:35Z [A conversation with the hairdresser] Me: (sees birthday cards on the table) "Is it your birthday today?" Her: "Yes it is! Twenty-one!" Me: "Oh! Happy birthday!" Her: "Thanks!" Me: "Are you doing anything special tonight?" Her: "We're all going... Amy

[A conversation with the hairdresser]

Me: (sees birthday cards on the table) "Is it your birthday today?"
Her: "Yes it is! Twenty-one!"
Me: "Oh! Happy birthday!"
Her: "Thanks!"
Me: "Are you doing anything special tonight?"
Her: "We're all going to dinner then to Harrah's."
Me: "Harrah's..."
Her: "The casino."
Me: "Oh!"

Oh my god, entering dangerous conversational territory. I have no clue about casinos, clubs, or bars. Is this what happens on a 21st birthday? Oh my god. Act like a normal person, Amy. Normal.

Her: "And then we're going to Biloxi, Mississippi this weekend. There's a bunch more casinos there."
Me: "How far is Biloxi from here?"
Her: "About an hour and half."
Me: "Oh, that's not bad."
Her: "Yeah, it'll be nice to get away for a bit. There's a beach there, too."
Me: "Really?"
Her: "Yeah, but I don't go in the water."
Me: "Really???"
Her: "Yeah, I don't like the water."

And in that small moment of mentioning the beach, I miss the shore terribly. I miss the water. I miss the waves crashing and the smell of salty air. I do not question why she doesn't like the water.

Me: "I grew up by the Jersey shore—(sees her face in the mirror)—NOT THAT JERSEY SHORE."
Her: (laughs) "A bit classier, right?"

And so on. She answers quite a few of my questions about the area as she cuts my hair. Amazing how you can have a conversation with just about anybody, anywhere. The people sure are polite down here. ]]> New York, I love you. tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.605 2011-08-14T23:00:37Z 2011-08-15T23:59:05Z Dear New York, I miss you. Not in an aching and longing kind of way, but in the way where you feel something's missing and you can't quite place what it is kind of way. You are a large... Amy









Dear New York,

I miss you.

Not in an aching and longing kind of way, but in the way where you feel something's missing and you can't quite place what it is kind of way. You are a large part of me, you made me, you took care of me. And you let me let you go.

I miss those cool summer nights in the city, lounging in the park as the sun sets. I'll miss the beautiful Fall, with colorful leaves scattered against the grey. I'll miss the cold, harsh winters and all the snow. I'll miss Spring, and that feeling during opening day. The subway, the honking, the grittiness, the in-your-faceness, the freneticism, everything.

But the thing about missing you—it makes my heart swell with pride to be from the Northeast. It makes this New Jersey-turned-New Yorkish accent I have all the better. I have fond memories, and I'll always remember you well. I know that when I return from time to time, you'll embrace me and we'll be okay. I'll take in all the new and smile at all the familiar. Just like the town I grew up in, you'll always have a place in my heart no matter where I go.

Love,
Amy]]> Finally here tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.604 2011-08-10T18:24:00Z 2011-08-10T19:16:36Z I have a blue couch. Or teal, really. It has been a whirlwind trip all the way down to New Orleans, but I'm here now. After spending the last few days sleeping on the ground, I finally have a... Amy

I have a blue couch.

Or teal, really.

It has been a whirlwind trip all the way down to New Orleans, but I'm here now. After spending the last few days sleeping on the ground, I finally have a couch (after swearing a few choice words while putting it together). And just this morning, I put together my bookshelf and upon finishing, I said out loud, "I have a bookshelf!!" There's something satisfying about building and putting things together. You can't help but admire your own handiwork, no matter how simple or complicated.

I saw, what we call, the heartland of America on the way down, and I was speechless. Driving through the mountains next to trucks (that switched lanes like they were taxicabs in New York) was a bit nerve-wracking, but after I started thinking the trucks were actually Autobots rushing to save us from the Decepticons, all was okay. Anyway, the mountains were, and are, beautiful, but it was through Arkansas when I couldn't stop staring around the open road. It was just these vast expanses of land, stretching miles upon miles into the distance. All I wanted to do was stop the car, get out, and run through all of them. What a simple life it must be, to not be near so much technology, to wake up every morning and be content with all this beauty. Hmm.

I'm slowly settling in, trying to fix my brain (I think I broke it). There's so much to do now, but at the moment, I'm just going to sit on my teal couch, breathe, and... not be sweaty.]]> Reflection tag:www.toastier.org,2011://1.603 2011-08-05T05:12:58Z 2011-08-12T02:28:36Z I've been thinking about and through a lot of things lately. Sometimes I wonder if I've grown at all through the last few years. Of course, I'd like to think that I have. Emotions often get the best of... Amy

I've been thinking about and through a lot of things lately. Sometimes I wonder if I've grown at all through the last few years. Of course, I'd like to think that I have. Emotions often get the best of you, and that is something difficult to control. We often forget what's important, often take things for granted, and even more so, always think others will be understanding. That's not always true. Any relationship that matters—friendship, family, significant others—is an extraordinarily fragile thing because with all the experiences and good times that can come from something so intimate and exhausting comes the possibility for things to shatter or, simply, end. But the thing is, when something so fragile actually falls apart, you find what's most precious in the wreckage, and you save it.

In the slew of commencement speeches this year (I like reading and watching them), the one that really resonated with me was the one by Conan O'Brien. Here are my favorite parts:

"But the point is this: It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention."

"In 2000, I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality."

I learned long ago to never sink below a certain point, to never give into the ugliness that can consume us so wholly. But that I am allowed to feel. I'm allowed to be angry, hate, scream, and yell. I'm not a robot, and I'm not always okay with things as much as I try to be. But at the very least, at the core of it, I recognize what's important. So, from profound disappointment can come some kind of beauty, like Conan says.]]>